Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Another Day, Another Dollar

I've never been someone who revels in talking down on others. Being on power-trips at the expense of others is not something I fancy. Though it delights others, the mere thought of bringing another some sort of emotional pain makes me want to lose it because I can empathize - having been in that position - and I simply refuse to be a perpetrator. But today, I gave someone a serious lecture, an almost maternalistic lecture which I did not intend to do but ended up doing instinctively. We had a group project to complete for Applied Math and you know how it goes, some people get lazy and rely too much on others. But there was one, who was truly special. The guy did not show up for a single meeting or contribute anything to the project and claimed to be part of the group a day before the deadline submission. So, I gave him a little chat about responsibility and what your task is as a college student - taking full accountability for your studies and not relying on anyone. These words must've really struck him because he seemed to be on the verge of tears. And being me, I started to feel really bad.

Man, I find it so hard to be stern. But what kind of surprised me is how seriously he took my words. I have never had that experience. Being the youngest member of the family, I am so used to being lectured to, having others instruct me or at least try to! The tables turned today, I was the one giving stern instruction and it scared me a little. I shook and my heart palpitated. At that point I realised how used to being powerless I am. How conditioned I have been to falling under the authority of others. It was such a significant moment. An epiphany and it woke me up to something I hadn't noticed about myself for so long...I am a bloody coward who needs to grow a spine.

But experiences are there to teach us and today has taught me something profound!

No comments: