Friday, November 7, 2008

MTV EMA 2008: Horrors and Humours

So I was really looking forward to watching the EMA's this year a) because I never have sat down to watch it in full ever and b) MTV hyped the whole thing up to a very large degree. So I sat down to watch two hours of the thing and felt alright about it. Wasn't great but wasn't bad either. But I need to remark about one or two or maybe three things I found ridiculous, silly or just plain shocking. Excuse the intense cynicism, I just don't have friends these days it's turning me a little icy!

So the show opens with the most annoying song of 2008, wide-eyed Katy Perry with her troop of tarty cheerleaders. Unfocussed singing and eyes like that of someone strung out on cocaine. Thank goodness the horrendous scene only lasted a minute. But guess what, the chic was hosting the damn show. Oh yeepie.

But there was more to laugh at at that. Beyonce comes out wearing a futuristic grey and black outfit with fabric mimicking the texture and appearance of corrugated iron. All this to match the hard, feminist mood she's obtained for her new album and persona "Sasha Fierce". There is nothing hardcore about, "If I Were a Boy" - murmurings of a finishing diva who married a big-lipped rapper for money and power and probably (this is purely speculative) cheated on her. What else would've inspired such lyrics. She must have been cheated on - shameless - Hova the adulterer.

Pink took the award for "Most Addictive Song" - another angry lady but at least she was strong enough to just bounce and then write a jolly song about it which is so catchy you could just sing along anytime of the day and so empowering, you just wanna sing it to all the hateful people in your life.

Britney Spears beating Colplay to "Album of the Year" is ridiculous, nuff said.

The Killers had a killer performance for lack of a better word. The pyrotechnics and lighting was just incredible in it, I was dumbfounded it looked so good.
Speaking of things that look good. Jared Leto mmm mm mm! Even Grace Jones was flirting with him at one point. Hell I would to, ahaha.

Kanye West's biggest err was deciding to sing "Love Lockdown" and using distortion techniques to mask the fact that he cannot sing to save his life. At one point you could hear him straining his voice trying to belt in the final parts of the song. I would've loved to see him cough on stage after the way he was hurting his vocal cords like that. What saved the performance was the stage of course, a crisp white lake of illuminated milk - visually stunning with projections of the two "alien" women from the video.
Then Ms Estelle came out wearing a royal blue sequinned dress shaped like a triangle or something it looked wierd that's all I'm going to say.
They both sounded bad but to a crowd of drunken, oversexed young Europeans anything will sound good so they cheered on.

Funny that both parties hosting the show win awards. Match-fixing maybe? Whatever. Who cares anyway?

Some tips on making music for European audiences, construct extremely basic sentences in English and repeat them numerously over a drum arrangement, some keyboard chords and what not like The Ting Tings. There you go, a hit song in Europe...oh they're so easy!

The show ended with Duffy singing "Mercy" so badly you would beg for mercy yourself to make her stop. Studios really make people sound talented. They're all getting lazy with their live performances. Telling you these singers of nowadays need some lectures from the greats on how to give live performances. I saw nothing impressive last night. Nothing, all the hype was for nothing. Perhaps we'll see better next year.

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