Sex Appeal: Not Woman Enough

In this patriarchal world, it seems that any woman who hones and focuses on anything more than having sex appeal is dismissed as immature, boring, less female and unattractive. The very basis of this form of female subjugation demands the display of skin for the purpose of enticing a male gaze.

This kind of attitude is not hard to miss and I see poor teenage girls falling prey to this shoddy ideology, dressing in ways that do not fit their age and spending more time being attractive for boys than channeling energy into excelling at sports and academics, thinking about what potential career paths are fitting for their particular personality types.

The world we inhabit encourages girls to grow believing that their worth is measured by their appearance and, of course, ideological state apparatus' such as the media, family, and even religion has women thinking that they should work over-time at improving their looks. Once for wearing loose jeans, I had someone inform me that I was "selling myself short". Imagine that. Really? Not reaching my full potential is not achieving my goals. The last time I checked. My goals did not include wearing life-sapping skinny jeans that cause itching, sweat and blocked follicles that may result in rash for the sake of looking good.

These pressures put on women is one reason I was compelled to read 'The Beauty Myth' by Naomi Wolf last year which, though exaggerated and focused more on the plight of white, middle-class women in North America, struck a major chord in my mind.

The lack of coverage of female sports is, without surprise, also a consequence of this line of thinking. Without a sexist gender binary in place, women's sports would be taken just as seriously as males. This article at Gender Across Borders explains the link between this phenomenon and sexism quite well.

"I am Going to Show you, you are a Woman."

Taken from this article on the 'Lezget Real' website - definitely worth a read.

"Her attacker acted like an animal who wanted to kill, strangling her with barbed wire;  “I thought he was going to kill me; he was like an animal. And he kept saying: ‘I know you are a lesbian. You are not a man, you think you are, but I am going to show you, you are a woman. I am going to make you pregnant. I am going to kill you.”  The attacker was known To Gaika, a neighbor."

These words spoken to a young lesbian woman while she is being brutally raped by a man who has beef with the fact that she is a woman who is not heterosexual, who does not conform to the so-called prescribed gender roles that society dictates and who is simply expressing the person she truly is. For this she must suffer.

It's obvious, I don't have to call out the blatant misogyny here. This is about power, it's about reifying male dominance in a patriarchal society. Nothing more, nothing less. South Africa and much of Africa is still very far behind when it comes to embracing progressive notions on gender, gender identification and sexual orientation. Most of this nation's citizens still seem to be under the impression that there are set roles that men and women should play which under no circumstances should be violated. Stuck in the Dark Ages and failing to rise to a new level.

Faithful Daughter of Patriarchy

She reminds me of that mindless Camille Paglia. Kudo's to Feministing for raising my awareness of this:

Off the record, in dozens of interviews over a period of years, male soldiers and officers have confided that many men resent women because they've been forced to pretend that women are equals, and men know they're not.

 This is typical internalized chauvinism at its very best. As if the solution to the crisis of male violence can be solves by reverting into a time past where women were severely oppressed and not offered equal right. Let it be said that I don't think these acts only started to take place in a post-feminist era. Sexual violence against women has been going on since the beginning of time and stopping women from joining the military will not make that fact disappear. Instead of blaming a system that raises boys with a notion that violence, coercion, domination and manipulation are expressions of true masculinity, she blames women for the violence enacted upon them. How typical and how reflective of a person who has absorbed so much of the patriarchal ideology that she fails to attack it. It's always easier to blame a woman from a misogynistic perspective. 

The Allure of Fight Club

Before I begin, let me just say this. Yes, I LOVED Fight Club, I think it's one of the dopest movies ever made. I enjoyed watching it, I enjoyed the way the storyline unfolded. I enjoyed the way Helene Bonham Carter played the eccentric Marla Singer to perfection. I enjoyed Brad Pitt's half-naked body. I enjoyed the wonderfully-nuanced performance Ed Norton gave (yeah, I think he's sexy too). So, after reading the book a while ago and reading Chuck Palahnuik's afterword in which he lists the innumerable ways in which pop culture has assimilitated the movie and turned into something of a modern-film classic.

But why does the vision of a place where men can go to vent their frustrations with life through physical brutality hold so much appeal. Why is this an image that is so seductive? In my mind, much of this has got to do with quite obvious patriarchal definitions of masculinity. Built along the lines of a capitalist mentality which asserts that manliness is reinforced by one's ability to bring home the meat, Fight Club paints the picture of a man who is frustrated mainly as a result of his failure to live up to the very standards that a capitalist society maintains. In escaping from a life of materialism and choosing to live simply, Tyler Durden attempts to escape the pressures of a life built on the importance of accumulating possessions but chooses instead a life through which violence offers enrichment and fulfillment. The will to do violent acts is instrinsic, I believe, in this same patriarchal notion of being a man that Fight Club does nothing more than show us a young white male caught up stuck in much the same way men find themselves stuck and unable to escape the pressures placed on them to live up to the standard of manliness that society insists on maintaining. In that regard, whether Palahnuik offers his character any sort of escape or not (in the book, he ends up in a mental institution), he does a very good job in holding up a mirror to the ways in which capitalist patriarchy operates on the individual psychological level. These are men who seek to reclaim a false notion of masculinity they believe they cannot achieve through violence - they work regular jobs living pay-check to pay-check & grew up in homes where fathers were absent - Fight Club serves as their escape from these numerous castrations they believe life has performed on them. Unyet if only the their mindsets would change, if the definition of masculinity was not based on the same old tired patriarchal ideas, these men would find salvation from their own self-inflicted torture - of absorbing the notion that they have failed to live up to the standard. 

It's because of Fight Club's ability to raise this important aspect about the ways in which society's built capitalism create a people who imagine that a life of seeking possessions and wealth is a life well-lived and the story's commentary on how this very society informs gender-expectations that make it a modern-day classic. Beside the twist at the end of the movie that got me so good, I had to stand up for a minute and take a breath, it's a a story that speaks volumes about the tyrannical nature of a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system (as bell hooks so aptly describes it).

All the More Reason to Keep Striving

Yeah, she's dope. Yeah, I love her. Yeah, she inspires me. What upsets me to the core is all of those patriarchal sexist buffoons who feel it necessary to make sniding remarks about the way she looks. There have been many and it will not end. We live in a world that defines a woman's worth based on her looks. Courtesy of a male relative, I was given the information that this notion also has deep roots in the Christian faith. He told me that Jesus was apparently a very unattractive man and that this meant simply nil. His ministry still had great power and anointing because of his charisma and other positive attributes. And that Esther's beauty was her "gift" and that she was the "most beautiful woman to ever live". So these obviously sexist ideas that emanate from the Bible seem to have my brother thinking that there is an obvious Biblical justification for the assertion of a rigidly defined gender-role system. Where it is the male's job to hold power and the woman's job just to sit around looking pretty. And in this, he probably sees no problem with objectifying and sizing a woman's value up based solely on her looks, ignoring other qualities that may not be aesthetically visible. 

The Bible is full of patriarchal messages no doubt about that. But the sadness in all of it is that those who believe in the absolute divinity of the Bible follow suit according to the ideas presented and refuse to accept any form of revolt because this kind of thing would yield one as a doubting Thomas. A person "possessed" enough to question the word of God. 

Coming back to the First Lady of the United States. Who is an exceptional academic, scholar, mother and human being. These men know that she is lightyears ahead of them intellectually, morally and characteristically. The closest they can get to attempting to satisfy their patriarchal egos is making weak "disses" which are, I imagine, but  mere dust beneath this powerful woman's feet. 

Double Standard Disarray

Thank you Lady Gaga for pointing out what may sound cliche by now but should never cease to be spoken of. Double-standards when it comes to naming female and male sexuality differently. Why it becomes a conquest for the latter has plenty to do with once again, a very rigid definition of patriarchal masculinity.

This song is excellent for this topic by the way.

o-What am i not s'pposed to have an opinion?
Should i be quiet to speak because i'm a woman?
Call me a bitch (bitch) cause i speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if i sat and smiled

Phallic Imagery E.g. 1

The more I understand about patriarchy and its many functions and manifestations in society, ads like this no longer seem to be much of a surprise.
The fact that even boys are included in this imagery is even more surprising to me. Yes, I understand misogyny plays a role in the sexualization of women, especially younger women in public media. That's also nothing new. But boys too. Really.
Aside from the latent homosexual rape theme, the ad seems to try and make analogous sex-slavery with the hold that a smoking habit takes on a person. Which is in a way making light of a very serious issue that cannot be viewed in a comical way no matter what the weather.

I Need to Get Four Wheels of My Own

Is it or isn't it a gender thing. Any time I see a couple driving out together, the guy is always behind the wheel. As I started to focus my attention on gender roles that are conditioned into the mind's of boys and girls growing up, I immediately began to tie this pattern to the way in which upbringing plays a part in all this.

In my own family which likes to hold true to traditional gender roles, there always seemed to be an underlying belief that driving is more of a manly thing to do. That this fact shows in the notion that boys start to drive, on average before girls do and are usually apparently "better" drivers.
Some comments at Freakonomics spoke of how this pattern relates quite directly to how patriarchal ideas inform men that they should be in control as a means of properly asserting masculinity. So, in a sense, the car is quite clearly a strong phallic symbol. One which affords a boy or man a feeling of dominance and power. Seldom can you find a brother that is secure enough in his masculinity to let you take the driver's seat just because.

Gratuitious Violence

After enlightening myself about the different forms in which patriarchal ideas of masculinity show themselves, the senseless killing of a yet another UCT student has taken place. The reason why I look toward this as an explanation is owed to the fact that none of the boys that were attacked were robbed or mugged of any of their possessions. In essence, the murder was gratuitous. Yet these are the ways in which our culture encourages men to exert their masculinity. This if course being a more extreme form but a violent one nevertheless. The key word here. Even in its most subtlest forms when boys are raised up identifying a violent nature with their masculinity, they only become more violent as a means of asserting this especially when insecurities about one's self occur. No, I am no psychologist. But it makes plenty of sense to me for one who feels, at their core inadequate or powerless to find external means of expressing power to overcompensate enough to temporarily remove feelings of weakness. Gang violence is a wonderful example of this model of behaviour. A socially-disadvantaged underclass inhabiting forgotten, poor and dilapidated parts of a city will turn to the use of guns and various other weapons to strike fear into the hearts of their community. As a means of elevating oneself from the pangs of powerlessness in a system that does not care and does not seek to care for you as an individual, as a human being.

Guns, a phallic symbol in a patriarchal world will continue to be the main form of communication that men utilize to enforce power over others until these false conceptions of manhood that have been drilled into all of us are removed.

My deepest condolences to the Giddy family.

R.I.P Dominic Joseph Giddy

Essential Literature for the Male Mind

It is my wish for every boy and man to read this book and come to fully comprehend the pathology of the false conceptions of manhood and masculinity which patriarchal notions continue to propagate...

on an endless tidal wave of bullisht.

The Power to Define

Many of the problems I encounter mentally with Men's Magazines ala FHM and Maxim, GQ, XXL blah-di-blah-di-blah-blah stems from the idea that women, in order to be considered attractive, must prime themselves up to look and resemble women that are considered "hawt" in these glossy tomes. Women begin to view themselves through the male gaze and alter their appearances in line with male expectations or standards of beauty.

I have to say, though there may have been a point in my life where I succumbed to this pressure. I no longer do and I make it a conscious point to consider my own opinions and wishes above external expectations. In essence, I have that devil-may-care attitude and dress with the intention of expressing all of what I respresent. The androgyny, the punk-rocker/hip-hop head, the artiste...it's an outer representation of all that is within. It is awful to acknowledge that young girls mould themselves around the ideals of the male gaze. Why else would women appear in demeaning, sexualized videos, magazines, movies. Clearly they have normalized the idea of objectifying their bodies for the consumption of a patriarchal culture that condones fear, hate and disrespect of women.

This of course, was inspired by SWPD's err of a post which he eventually corrected after some commenters stated what would be obvious to a feminist woman but not so much to a man that has been raised in a culture of patriarchy that insists on evaluating women solely on their appearance.

These levels of superficiality usually annoy me. But what annoys me more is the fact that those who consider themselves privileged in society seem to think that they get to decide who's hot and who's not and that rest of us should just nod our heads in silent agreement. John Mayer is a great example right now. Talking about Kerry Washington and Holly Robinson Pete being attractive in the eyes of DudeBro X and how that justifies their true attractiveness. Man...these m'fers. So tired. Just so tired.