Policing Women's Attire in Rape Society

WE recently had our very own SlutWalk at Greenpoint here in Cape Town on Saturday the 20th and it had a good turnout which I am very happy to see. Rape is still an issue in this culture that seems to adamnat to condone it and women are still being blamed for crimes involving forced penetration and violent assault that are committed against them. But some reactions from some individuals today made me think about the way in which a protest like this is received in this Rape Culture Society of ours.

"I disagree with the whole SlutWalk thing because it is degrading to women":
In the same manner that the idiot officer from Toronto sought to blame victims of rape based on their manner of dress, this individual missed the entire point of the protest and aimed to focus more on how wrong the protest was and not how wrong rape itself actually is. Instead of showing some smidgen of sympathy for the victims and complaining about how awful rapists themselves are for violating the physical boundaries and private spaces of women.
So, how does the protest itself become degrading. Well these women are calling themselves "sluts". NO! They are making the point that a woman's clothes should not in any way be a precursor to a sexual assault committed against her. It is extreme but of course it should be bold. Perhaps that is the issue this young man has with it. That it is bold, blazing and brazen and therefore a massive hit to the male ego. No woman in her right mind could possibly claim that an anti-rape protest is wrong in anyway.

"The word slut is degrading":
Yes it is. It is a word among several that was created to shame women for expressing sexuality. It is a word that sought to weaken and silence women in sex thus giving men a sense of domination of the so called "weaker sex". These words are simply a kind of verbal genital mutilation. An attack against a woman who feels no shame about her vagina, her clitoris, her vulva and the pleasure that she feels during the act of coitus. Women in more civilized society's may not have their genitals mutilated like the many unfortunate one's living in primitive states and following primitive religions but we have a kind of mutilation of our own going on and it is called slut-shaming.

One of the most prominent tools for slut-shaming is of course the media where the perpetuation of this practice is simply overwhelming. No wonder these attitudes filter through into uncritical and unthinking minds.

The word "slut" and its many variations should not even feature in the English language. A woman expressing desire is not a thing to marvel at, be ashamed of, stone to death, hate or assign a name to especially one that has negative connotations.

Its roots lie deep in patriarchy which asserts male dominance in every form and sex is just one of the ways in which men define their power and identity so that in the act of raping, objectifying, they reinforce what they have been told by patriarchy they are entitled to: dominance and complete control over the female gender. That's all it is about: power. The moment a woman begins to apply a power that is on par with this, she is attacked and weakened by those who believe strongly in the male order of things. And that is why the word "slut" is degrading, because of the very same system of thinking that encourages rape: patriarchy.

"What would Christ say about this?":
Well, of course, I have no idea but if this individual was trying to assert that Christ would frown upon the protest then that means Christ would have a problem with people who have a problem with injustice. The Christ I know from my readings of the word. The Jesus who's good friend was a former prostitute, the Jesus who healed the woman with the issue of blood, the Jesus who sat down and had a sincere conversation with the woman at the well who had a history with men i.e. a run-of-the-mill slut would probably grab a banner and join right in with the protest because He would, more than anything frown upon the abuse, misuse and maltreatment of God's children that is all the women and girls who have been forced against their will by selfish, malevolent, egocentric, megalomaniacs of men who have zero empathy. Christ, in my mind, was no one to disgrace a slut in any way but sought to love, heal, empower, forgive and help those in need spiritually and mentally. This would be a girl or woman who has had her spirit broken by the forced entry into her sacred temple by a man she may have trusted or been related to.

Religions are not exempt from scrutiny when it comes to matters of gender inequality is because the Church has been built on the same system of male domination that most societies and cultures in the world has.

A while back I heard some young man defend the fact that a man should head the household because it said so in the Bible. I told him that that attitude is also used to justify abuse of women and he responded by saying that believers should follow Biblical standards and not those of the world. He is blind, totally blind to the fact that those so called holy standards are in complete alignment with the world's. Males rule, females submit. That is patriarchy and yes it is found in the Bible, pity, but it is there. The fact that so few women are excluded from positions of authority in churches. (The Vatican has stringent rules on this, clergy have their genitals examined before being ordained). Female subordination happens in religions too and men use these tools well because many women seek to be loyal to their God not realizing that all their being loyal to is patriarchy.

The SlutWalk was a brilliant idea and if I had known about it ahead of time, I probably would have been there. Being nothing but big ole slut. 

Was Not Born For Servitude

This is why I am so hooked on and thankful for the SWPD blog . The posts are insightful, loaded with truth and universal. The same kind of racism exists almost everywhere. The two most recent posts which address the issue of the stereotype of the Strong and/or Angry Black Woman have brought me so much peace knowing that there are Black women out there who are experience what I do and have just about had enough of being treated in ways that suggest that we are not human like whites are. All I could really say after reading the following comments was "Finally, someone has said it!" And in such a concise, eloquent and dignified way.

For instance, when examining why no one chose to speak up against some of the ironically demonstrative comments toward Black women, Witchsistah notes:

This constant non-defending of BW comes directly from the stereotype of BW not being "real" women as in not being seen as delicate, feminine, worthy of care, affection and protection. We are seen as "mules uh duh worl'" and as rhino-hided, she-beasts utterly incapable of delicate, complex feelings or thoughts. Basically no one defends us because we can "take it." It also leads to the idea that BW cannot ever be harmed (from this comes the view that BW are un-rapeable).

So I'm just going to leave off with words by RVCBard, and then a few more by Witchsistah:

When Black women talk about their experiences as Black women here at SWPD, people (particularly White people, but at times other WoC as well), tend to respond with knee-jerk contradictions (typically betraying a lack of true engagement with the content) or remain silent.

For me, personally, it would be nice to see more comments make a more proactive attempt to engage with Black women in a more constructive way.

How about treating Black women as if we are, first of all, human? Yeah, it goes without saying, but from how we're treated, I'm not always sure people truly assume that from jump street. How about treating Black women like women and not disobedient children? Again, it goes without saying, but from what I've seen, I'm not sure if a lot of you really grasp that. How about treating Black women as though our lives are important to us? Once more, it goes without saying, but the things I've seen make me question whether you genuinely understand that.

IMO, there will be less explosive fireworks and fewer ruffled feathers if more people started showing us that they are operating from these very basic foundational concepts.

In the long run, we find black girls growing up knowing that the face they must present to the world is one of strength and resilience simply because in having nobody care, show remorse of compassion for their struggle they learn that feelings which display vulnerability are to be hidden. Because if you show them...well, nobody will give a shit. You are supposed to be strong. You are supposed to take anything. You are basically supposed to not operate as a human being with emotion does.

Then there is that Angry Black Woman stereotype which annoys me because while anger is a veritably human emotion (something we all experience at some point or another), when a Black woman shows this emotion, this fact is used as justification for the preconceived idea of the Angry Black Woman. You are immediately identified not as a person experiencing anger at that particular moment but are viewed as an angry person in general. Which again, nullifies the fact that you are simply human as everyone else is. If a white person were to express anger, they would not be labelled an angry person but one would only say that they are just angry at that certain moment. So, many Black women find themselves going out of their way to avoid expressing negative emotions due to the fact that any display of these will be used against them (to justify their instrinsic savagery) or will be given as a substantiation for any subsequent abuse the Black woman will face as a result i.e. "She deserved to be hit, she was talking out of her mouth."

Often any display of assertiveness is met with a comment about how much of an "attitude" you have. By not playing out your expected role of "servant", you are in violation and must be reminded of your place. The fact that you are not being submissive makes you a deviant i.e. a woman with a so-called "attitude". Again, denial of humanity. A Black women is not allowed to lay down boundaries and assert herself as whites have the privilege of doing without anyone questioning their choices.
Since many men come with the expectation that Black women are hypersexual (courtesy of rap videos), without saying Black women are expected to act lasciviously and without restraint. Failure to do this again usually ends in some form of insult. The sting of rejection from a Black woman is just too much. We are the ones who are supposed to be down with absolutely anything - the apparent "dregs of humanity". A rejection from one of us surely must be a diss.

Before reading these blog extracts today, the thought came to mind. The behaviours I have observed have often times surprised me. When I thought, "Is this person for real?" Why feel it okay to call me a "bitch" when you have no idea who I am? Or think that I would engage in intimate relations with you when I have no idea who the hell you are? It's failure to recognise the fact that people are individuals and not archetypes. In dismissing individulaity one will assume that they know a complete stranger quite well enough already and will treat them according to those very preconceived ideas borne out of ignorance.

I have heard men speak up about the same psychological process which takes place in their own growing years. When a boy is conditioned into false concepts of manhood, he is taught that it is unlike a man to show vulnerable emotions and act sensitively. This is "sissy" behaviour and mor derogatorily seen as something a "gayboy" would do. I don't think that this is good either. I have said before that I disagree heavily with socially-defined ideas on manhood. That Black women are made to undergo the same process of development can be seen as a masculinization of Black women.

Being a Black woman myself, I know exactly how this proces works. All too well. In encounters I have where people feel they can dump their hatred and anger on me without any kind of remorse for their actions, I identify an inablity on those individual's parts to see me as a person that could potentially take some injury from that level of abuse. I see it in those individuals who acted out verbally or physically because I chose, as I have a right to, to assert my own wishes. They expected obedience from me (again disregarding my humanity) and because I showed no interest in being their puppet, I deserved to be aimed at as a target for scorn or mistreatment. These are men I am talking about mind you. Childish - throwing toys when their wishes are not met. "From the nipple to the bottle never satisfied!"

Essentially, these people also believed in the notion of female servitude. So strongly in fact that it was a cause for concern when a woman did not obey them. CHAUVINISM. So again. When it comes to treatment of Black women - racism and sexism are inextricably linked. Everything I speak of here is my own explanation for what I have experienced. There may be alternative explanations but from the commonality of this kind of treatment as seen at SWPD, it certainly is no co-incidence to me.

According to this article about the song "She'a A B****" by Missy Elliot, the song aimed to somewhat parody the critics who labelled here with the derogatory term as well as empower herself by making light of the word and using it rather as a way of portraying her strong-will. But while she is portraying herself in this light, we must remember that she has other aspects of her that would express a vulnerability and humanity we all have. Missy has spoken about her history of severe emotional and sexual abuse. This affected her as it would anyone else. But she has overcome it and gone on to become arguably the best female rapper in history. An icon in her own right. Yeah, you've got to love her.

Ego Surges: When Men Turn to Aggression to Vent Hurt

Yesterday was one hell of a day. But let me begin by saying that I have been reading a very pertinent book by a the mega-selling author of 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' - Richard Carlson. This one is a follow up and is entitled 'What About the Big Stuff?'. It's not just another load of self-help garbage as some cynics may proclaim. For those that need to get themselves on the right path to living a life guided by wisdom, it is the perfect read. I've gained so much insight from it that it's brought me to a state of inner peace. This is something I've battled with over the past several months so I'm glad to have been taught how to put things into perspective. Firstly by realising how burdensome a mind that never keeps quiet is. I noticed how easy it is for thoughts to run in and out of your head without limitation. I'm starting to develop the habit of stopping certain ones from lingering to long. This often causes a change in emotions. After all, it is true that thoughts precede feelings. The calm that has emerged in my existence emanates from this philosophy. I'm able to concentrate better and most importantly, live every moment to its fullest. What's the use of life if one can't sit back and just take in each second. It makes so much more sense. I know if I hadn't been told or at least reminded of these vital rules by which to abide by, I would've been taken upon a tidal wave of futile emotions this weekend.

Family drama like nothing on this Earth! When I look back on it, boy was it funny. Listening to Grace Jones 'Nipple to the Bottle' this morning reminded me of a male in my family who got physical with me yesterday. Now, it wasn't anything serious. He just tried to ruffle my feathers a little but with my levels of beastliness, it just didn't happen. I managed to break free from him after he held me up against the wall and then, shook me by the head repeatedly. My mother stepped in and stopped the devil from doing further damage. So, I didn't get messed up and I won't have to slash anyone with a kitchen knife in living up to my nickname - Stabs. Haha. All is well in my soul though because I have the wisdom to know that the attack had litte to do with me, I just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Mind you, the male I'm talking about has a history of violence against women. I know very well that his anger stems from deep insecurities. On top of that, plenty of male chauvinistic fallacies and a not-so-latent-anymore misogyny. Well, is this the first time I've been confronted by an insecure man's aggression. No, it's happened before yet I've been knowledgable enough to see through it. One guy who happened to be anti-Semitic grabbed my neck and shook me repeatedly after I made a siding remark about Jewish people and the Holocaust but he was also mad because I rejected his advances. So that explained that one. Another male member of my family has pushed me around on two occasions. Now, they've never really hurt me at all. But my curious nature galvanises my interest in male psychology in relation to the above incidents. Men react to their hurt with physical acts. Whereas on the op-end women internalise theirs and tend to become masochism. This shows up in numerous ways. Eating disorders, self-loathing, low self-esteem etc. I've made it a habit of putting things into the right perspective by not getting into fits of rage. But since emotions are somewhat inevitable. Anger must be expressed in an outward direction. Not, I believe, at a person. As men often tend to do because society often condones men objectifying women and children, often times these are the people upon which male anger is attempted to be projected.


Unless the issue of male chauvinism is addressed in relation to male violence. Many women will often continue to blame themselves for the violence that they endure at the hands of men as my contemporaries keep on asking me. "What did you do for him to do that?" It's not a question of what a person does. No matter what a person says or does, a man has no right to lay his hands on a woman without her consent. This is a violation. No matter what. My own mother who was beaten carries this mindset. That if a woman is beaten, it means that she has done something wrong. That is what I call internalised male chauvinism. In essence, BULLSHIT! When will women wake up from these fallacies and see that a man who is physically aggressive in fact toward anyone is pathological and in need of proper psychological help as my poor father is. The first step to getting better is always admitting that there is a problem not with other people but with oneself. The wise Gandhi once said it, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

This weekend has served me with a tremendous deal of insight. Luckily I've had the wisdom to see things objectively - for what they truly are without turning to the usual masochistic way of rationalizing other people's pathologies that women often tend toward.