Don't You Forget About Me

Reflexion: 2011

One of my greatest lessons this year has been one about forgiveness. Holding onto offenses is such a bad idea and a time-sapper too. The moment you let go, is when you liberate yourself and free your mind to creative thoughts and the wisdom you gain from adverse circumstances.
Discipline is another thing. I really need to stop being lazy and get a little more serious about things, academic and work-related things.
As for music, haven't really been in tune with the goings on and to be honest, music has been a bore ever since M.I.A. stopped making those bizarre dance tunes that made my life but at least we have a female rapper doing big things.

This year, these two song releases just did it for me.

Kind of reminds me of myself when I was 18/9.



I disliked this song when I first saw the video but when I heard the bass properly and the line "Mack the dudes up", I immediately took a liking for it. That was Nicki's feminist moment, she got me there. Her voice is still quite an annoyance however and the Barbie thing is disgraceful but good for her for being subversive.

Another Day, Another Dollar

I've never been someone who revels in talking down on others. Being on power-trips at the expense of others is not something I fancy. Though it delights others, the mere thought of bringing another some sort of emotional pain makes me want to lose it because I can empathize - having been in that position - and I simply refuse to be a perpetrator. But today, I gave someone a serious lecture, an almost maternalistic lecture which I did not intend to do but ended up doing instinctively. We had a group project to complete for Applied Math and you know how it goes, some people get lazy and rely too much on others. But there was one, who was truly special. The guy did not show up for a single meeting or contribute anything to the project and claimed to be part of the group a day before the deadline submission. So, I gave him a little chat about responsibility and what your task is as a college student - taking full accountability for your studies and not relying on anyone. These words must've really struck him because he seemed to be on the verge of tears. And being me, I started to feel really bad.

Man, I find it so hard to be stern. But what kind of surprised me is how seriously he took my words. I have never had that experience. Being the youngest member of the family, I am so used to being lectured to, having others instruct me or at least try to! The tables turned today, I was the one giving stern instruction and it scared me a little. I shook and my heart palpitated. At that point I realised how used to being powerless I am. How conditioned I have been to falling under the authority of others. It was such a significant moment. An epiphany and it woke me up to something I hadn't noticed about myself for so long...I am a bloody coward who needs to grow a spine.

But experiences are there to teach us and today has taught me something profound!

The Eternal Bachelor is Not a Good Look

I just have to say that there is nothing that frightens me more than a man who reaches past the age of 40 without having settled down and married SOMEBODY, ANYBODY! Look at it this way, you have had 20 years of experience in the dating world to seriously find someone. Why haven't you done so already? I think it's that old notion that keeps some men thinking that their age will not become a major deterring factor when it comes to spusal determination. But it does. There is no amount of money that will keep you young and bustling all the way into your 50's. It's best to just settle down as quickly as you can. But for some reasons, very odd ones at that, men seem to find easy access to young flesh and more so, the wealthier and more "powerful" they appear to be.

But for some reasons, very odd ones at that, men seem to find easy access to young flesh and more so, the wealthier and more "powerful" they appear to be.

Gross. That's all I can say.

Wise and Sensible

Will.I.Am says this:

“Soon I want to settle down and have lots of girl babies,” he reveals. “Because I don’t want to add to the destruction of the planet. It’s a man’s world and I think it’s gonna be a female that changes it all.”

I thought about this last night. What would happen if the women were in power? What kind of a world would we have? I like to believe it would be so much better than this mess of a planet we have going at the moment. Sometimes, I just sit and think how sad it is that men, especially white men are in power. It seems that it is in the European males best interest to dominate others for his own psychological and economic gain. So as far as the Man is in power, this predator-and-prey system we seem to live by will remain intact.

Read the first 70 pages of "Ain't I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism" last night. It was a tough read, I'm telling you. Especially the first chapter. You know how you never think that you'll be the one balling your eyes out when you visit a slave port in Liberia or you watch a movie like "Amistad". Until you witness all that pain, trauma and anguish. Being forced to acknowledege that these horrific events are not just a figment of someone's imagination. They are real-life accounts of the absolute sheer brutality that humans are capable of committing toward one another. It's just tragic. So tragic.

When It Gets Rough, Get Tough Honey

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.  ~Jewish Proverb

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.  ~Garth Brooks

We acquire the strength we have overcome.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.  ~Mother Teresa

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.  ~William Shakespeare, Othello

If you're going through hell, keep going.  ~Winston Churchill

 I've always been a person who believes strongly that there is something to be learned out of hardship. When it seems as though you cannot sink any lower than you have already sunk,it's important to remember that there is someone out there in the world who has it worse than you. But this should not give you comfort instead it should grow your compassion as your ability for empathy enlargens. The comfort comes in the fact that in times of adversity, your character is being shaped, your will is being strengthened and you are becoming the person you need to become in order to fulfill the calling on your life. So when it gets rough, I breathe easy and stay cool and ask the Creator to guide and show me what lesson I am to take from this. What aspects of me require changing. You cannot change unless some external agent brings your inadequacies to light and brings this necessity to your attention. So, if anything...gratitude should be one's greatest response to adversity. In the long run, you will look back and say "Thank you". I would not be who I am today had it not been for that meagre event which took place and you'll probably laugh at how you thought it was the end of the world when it was hardly even. So why not prematurely look back in hindsight and say "Ha. No big deal. Besides, there are reasons for this I cannot see now but will be capable of seeing in a time that is to come."

Done.

 

Of Being an "Exotic" in a Different World

I've never been a stranger to that feeling of being set-apart of feeling somewhat other-worldly. It's been interesting and it's grown my character to a position from which I can face society with a somewhat opppostional gaze. Not one that is strictly combative, but rather one that is never too afraid to shy away from critique. Although being black and being a woman is a tough venture, I say in all honesty - it has given me the opportunity to see the ugly nature of the way in which our world operates. Being part of a group of people who are considered to occupy, by default the lower regions of the social heirarchy has saved me from naivete, from seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses. So, if you were to ask me if I could go back and alter my gender or race before I had been born. My answer would be a definite "No". I feel that there is still much work that needs to be done, many strides to be made by women of colour that to be one, aside from giving me plenty of reason to see and witness changes made in the world around me, provides me with the responsibility of making somwhat of a contribution to altering the general ways in which black women especially are viewed and henceforth treated.

Solitude Can Be Great Sometimes

But others may perceive you as slightly deranged or of the notion that others are less than relative to you. I don't like having to dismiss people when I have that urge to be alone. It comes across as a bit insulting but that is the intended motive. To diss someone. Sometimes, I just prefer my own company, some silence and the space to be unabashedly authentic.
I often find that in order to be truly myself around someone, I must trust them enough. This often takes time. This may be a result of my upbringing. I can't tell but if you and me aren't cool, there is no way you'll really get to see the real side of my personality.
Walking alone is also very convenient. You get where you need to in your own time and at your own pace without having to accomnodate the wishes of another. Writing alone is perhaps the only way I can write and that includes academic writing. When I want to grasp the concept of something, there must be enough silence for me to hear my thoughts otherwise, I become confused and fail to absorb anything.
Although I do balance alone-time with the presence of company, I do not find being alone unbearable, in fact, I've grown to like it not because I am timid and self-conscious. Simply because I have found myself most capable of stronger mental activity when I am by myself and surrounded by complete and utter silence.

I Pity the Fool...

That ever tries to take me to school...I been to school fool!

Changing Up The Scenery

It does wonders on the psyche. You feel better able to press forward, embrace the new and leave behind old inhibtors, negative belief-systems, mind-traps that were all the more difficult to escape from in that old place. But when your body now inhabits a new place, your mind seems to follow suit. You even see yourself differently, perhaps even begin to see things for what they are. Old illusions too are left behind.

Social Butterfly Phase

Has sort of begun in my life. I've changed my mind about ways in which I approached matters in life. It's funny how a single event or two can just twist your mindset on its head and force you to rethink. Take a chance in life. Break away from old inhibitors. For once, I did so. I found the courage somehow. Galvanised.

And it was most certainly worth it.

Long Silence

J Randy Taraborrelli's 620 page biography on the late Michael has kept me busy for a while. Was a fanatic of course, it was necessary to undertake this venture and glad I did. A bevy of new information earned and my oh my how entertaining. He was a character. Don't need to say that but this book is privy to knowledge even some hardcore fans may not have known. So, officially over it but the full musical collection must still be owned so not entirely achieved closure.

Between dodging annoying people without assuming the battlefield stance and laughing at simpletons parading the TV screen on "reality" shows. I've managed to gain momentum in fueling ideas for a literary project. This is all very personal and never write full posts this way but funny as it may seem. I don't have much else to say. How apathetic of me. Well. That's a wrap for now. Keep it locked.